The Bearers of Allah’s Throne Are Mountain Goats (Animals) Above an Ocean After the Seventh Heaven
Prepare to have your worldview shattered—or at least laughed at—if you’ve ever swallowed the Islamic fairy tale about the Bearers of Allah’s Throne. In the fevered fantasies of Muhammad’s hadith, these aren’t majestic angels or divine constructs; they’re eight goofy mountain goats (yes, actual animals, ibex-style) prancing atop an endless ocean beyond the seventh heaven, hoisting Allah’s cosmic La-Z-Boy. This isn’t profound revelation; it’s a satanic scam, a hallucinated cosmology peddled by a 7th-century desert warlord to dupe the gullible into submission. Authentic? Hardly—it’s Sunan Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah fodder graded sahih by credulous scholars, but when you peel back the veil, it reeks of pagan myth-mashing and Muhammadan madness. Buckle up as we dismantle this Bearers of Allah’s Throne nonsense, exposing Islam’s foundational fraud for what it is: a demonic delusion masquerading as divinity.
The Pathetic Setup: A Cloud Kicks Off Cosmic Clownery
Picture this farce unfolding in al-Batha, a dusty plain near Mecca, where Muhammad and his ragtag crew gawk at a cloud like it’s the second coming. Narrated by Al-Abbas ibn Abd al-Muttalib—Uncle Abbas, the family hype-man—this hadith starts with playground questions: What do you call this? A cloud. Rain cloud? Yep. Yawn. Then Muhammad drops the bomb: the distance between heaven and earth is 71, 72, or 73 years. Not meters, not light-years—years of travel, as if some celestial camel caravan defines cosmic scale.
This isn’t divine insight; it’s Muhammad riffing off pre-Islamic folklore, fumbling for wow-factor to wow the illiterate Bedouins. No telescopes, no math—just vibes. Compare this drivel to NASA’s Hubble peering 13.8 billion light-years into the observable universe. Islam’s science? A joke. This sets the stage for the Bearers of Allah’s Throne absurdity, where Allah’s grandeur hinges on goat legs spanning years of distance. Satanic inversion at its finest: turning the Creator into a cartoon propped up by livestock.
The Seven Heavens: Borrowed Babble from Babylonian Myths
Muhammad piles on with seven heavens, each separated by 500,000 years’ journey (that’s the math if you chain those 71-73 spans). Echoing Quran 67:3’s vague seven heavens one above another, it’s copy-pasted from Zoroastrianism, Babylonian epics, and Jewish mysticism—none original. Ibn Kathir and his ilk spin it as distinct domains, from our lowly world to Firdaws paradise. But poke it: Where’s the evidence? Zero.
Modern astronomy laughs: Our universe is a flat expanse accelerating via dark energy, not stacked firmaments like onion layers in a medieval manuscript. Telescopes reveal no barriers, no seven-tiered skybox with Allah peeking down. This Bearers of Allah’s Throne precursor is pure projection—Muhammad’s wet dream of hierarchy to justify his caliphate. It’s not tawhid (oneness); it’s theological towers of Babel, collapsing under scrutiny. Islam’s unseen ghayb is code for make-believe, a satanic sleight-of-hand to silence doubt.
Beyond the Seventh Heaven: An Ocean of Idiotry
Climb higher in this hallucination: Above heaven seven? An ocean whose depth rivals heaven-to-heaven gaps. Quran 11:7 nods to Allah’s Throne over the waters, but Muhammad amps it to infinity. Not metaphorical moisture—this is literal cosmic soup, a primordial puddle holding up reality.
Earthly oceans? We map them to the abyss with sonar. But Islam’s celestial sea? Unfalsifiable nonsense, immune to probes like James Webb. Why an ocean? Pagan echoes again—ancient Near East myths drown creation in watery chaos. This isn’t majesty; it’s Muhammad recycling Sogdian fairy tales, deluding followers that Allah surfs divine waves. Prep for the punchline: Goats wading in it. The Bearers of Allah’s Throne don’t float on angel wings; they splash in barnyard brine. Satanic fraud alert: If Allah’s power is boundless, why prop His ego on H2O held by herbivores?
Bearers of Allah’s Throne: Eight Mountain Goats—Islam’s Ultimate Goatse Moment
Here’s the crown jewel of Islamic idiocy: Eight mountain goats (ibex, wild mountain beasts) bearing Allah’s Throne. Quran 69:17 vaguely says eight will bear the Throne, but Muhammad specifies animals—hooves to knees spanning heaven-sized voids, resting above that ocean. Sturdy climbers on cliffs? Sure—but cosmic load-bearers? Colossal goats with legs light-years long, bleating under Allah’s butt?
Scholars simper: It shows Allah’s freedom! Freedom to what—mock His creation? Ibex symbolize stability? Try ridicule. No other faith stoops to barnyard bearers; Christianity has cherubim, Hinduism elephants (still absurd, but grander). Muhammad’s choice screams fabrication: Local Arabian goats, exalted to absurdity, blending folk tales with power plays. Imagine Judgment Day: Goats trotting the Throne down like pack mules. Hilarious? Horrifyingly satanic—demoting the Divine to livestock logistics.
Dig deeper: Hadith links (like hadith.al-islam.com) confirm the text, but authenticity crumbles. Chains of narration? Human mouths mangling revelation over centuries. No miracles, no proofs—just a prophet’s say-so, unverifiable as his flying donkey Buraq. This Bearers of Allah’s Throne goat gala exposes Islam’s core: Satanic mimicry of Judaism (Throne angels) twisted into animal antics, fooling billions into rituals for a phantom flock.
Theological Trainwreck: Omniscience via Ovine Props?
Capping the comedy: Allah is above that, seeing all deeds. Transcendence (fawqiyyah) without likeness? Nice dodge for anthropomorphism—Allah needs goat stilts, yet claims perfection. Taqwa? Fear this farce. It breeds blind faith, not reason—recite for barakah, ponder intercessor goats on Doomsday.
Science slays it: General relativity curves spacetime, no thrones, oceans, or goats. Quantum foam at Planck scales mocks macro-myths. Islam’s response? Metaphor! But the hadith screams literal: Distances in years, animal anatomy detailed. Muhammad’s knowledge? Stolen snippets from caravans, puffed into prophecy.
Bearers of Allah’s Throne in the Modern Mockery Era
Today, amid black hole photos and exoplanet hunts, Bearers of Allah’s Throne stands as Islam’s scarlet letter of shame. Muslims chant it for blessings? They’re davening to delusions, while atheists cite it as Exhibit A for Muhammad’s epilepsy-inspired epics (smell the temporal lobe aura?). Apologists pivot to spiritual truths, but facts don’t flex: Goats above oceans? Preposterous.
This satanic swindle sustains jihad, burqas, and blasphemy laws—fear the unseen to obey the seen tyrant. Contrast Jesus’ parables: Profound, goat-free. Buddha’s voids: Empty wisdom. Islam? Throne-hauling ibex. Wake up: It’s fraud, forged in Medina’s heat to forge empires.
Exposing the Bearers of Allah’s Throne Fraud: Reject the Satanic Hoax
The Bearers of Allah’s Throne—those eight mountain goats frolicking above an ocean post-seventh heaven—aren’t testament to wisdom; they’re tombstone for Islam’s credibility. Muhammad’s tall tale, lauded as authentic, crumbles under logic, science, and comparative myth. Satanic? Unequivocally: Deceive with grandeur, enslave with awe, demand submission to absurdity.
Ditch the dhikr, delete the dawah. Gaze at real clouds knowing no goat-god lurks. True transcendence needs no barnyard brigade. Islam’s cosmic carnival is over—exit laughing, enlightened, free from the fraud.
(Word count: 1,247)
