A verse was lost; it was under the bed, and a domestic animal ate it!
Picture this absurdity: the so-called eternal, perfectly preserved word of God in Islam, reduced to a crumpled scrap of parchment shoved under a bed, only to be gobbled up by a farm animal like a common snack. Yes, you read that right—this is the ridiculous tale peddled in Islam’s most authentic hadith collections. The infamous story of a verse was lost; it was under the bed, and a domestic animal ate it isn’t some fringe myth; it’s cited in Sahih Ibn Majah (Hadith #1593), rubber-stamped as sahih (authentic) by the hadith fanatic Sheikh Muhammad Nasiruddin al-Albani. This goat-munching revelation supposedly included commands for stoning adulterers to death and a woman breastfeeding an adult man ten times to make marriage haram. Welcome to the satanic fraud that is Islam, where divine truth hinges on livestock digestion and flimsy oral traditions. Far from a divine masterpiece, this exposes Muhammad’s cult as a patchwork of hallucinations, tribal barbarism, and desperate cover-ups. Buckle up as we shred this farce layer by layer.
The Hadith of the Hungry Goat: Exposing the Core Absurdity
Straight from the horse’s—no, goat’s—mouth: Sahih Ibn Majah 1593, narrated by Aisha, Muhammad’s child bride and favorite pillow-talk informant. The verbatim Arabic-turned-English gem reads:
> “The verse of stoning and the (report about) breastfeeding an adult ten times were revealed, and they were on a sheet under a bed; then a domestic animal came in and ate it.”
In 7th-century Bedouin squalor, shāt means goat or sheep—your typical barnyard beast. Imagine the scene: Allah’s infinite wisdom scribbled on a rag, carelessly kicked under the Prophet’s bed, then chomped by Fido the goat. Al-Albani, that 20th-century Salafi pseudoscholar, declared it sahih after his obsessive chain-jerking analysis. Sunan Ibn Majah, one of the six authentic books Sunnis worship like idols, parades this nonsense alongside Bukhari and Muslim.
Not a one-off either. Echoes slither through Musnad Ahmad, Muwatta Malik—always with the domestic animal ate it punchline. Chains trace back to companions, but let’s be real: these are verbal daisy chains of illiterate nomads, prone to embellishment, forgery, and wishful thinking. Centuries later, Islam’s apologists clutch this as proof of textual robustness. It’s proof of delusion, a satanic smokescreen for why the Quran lacks these essential laws.
A verse was lost; it was under the bed, and a domestic animal ate it: The Stoning Sham
Enter the barbaric heart of Sharia: rajm, burying married adulterers under rocks until they gasp their last. No Quran verse mandates it—Surah An-Nur 24:2 slaps fornicators with lashes, but adultery? Crickets. Enter the goat’s greatest hit: a lost verse commanding stoning, abrogated in recitation but not ruling (naskh al-tilawah dūn al-hukm). Muslims claim this explains the disconnect, citing Umar’s public rants about reciting it from memory—until he remembered the munchies.
This is fraud 101. The Quran boasts perfect preservation: We have sent down the Reminder and We will preserve it (15:9). Yet a goat undoes God’s vault? Umar, the second caliph and butcher of apostates, allegedly knew it by heart but deferred to the divine barnyard heist. Stoning was pre-Islamic Jewish tribalism Muhammad aped; no divine revelation needed—just power-tripping patriarchy.
Critics scream fabrication, and they’re spot-on. No mass-transmitted evidence (mutawatir), just shaky hadiths contradicting the unchangeable book. Islam’s fraud shines: hudud punishments hang on animal appetites, fueling honor killings and lapidations in Afghanistan, Iran, Somalia. Satanic indeed—human life sacrificed to a 7th-century fairy tale.
Breastfeeding an Adult: Islam’s Creepiest Cover Story
If stoning wasn’t grotesque enough, behold adult suckling: suckle a man ten times, poof—mahram status, no marriage allowed. Revealed in Medina to dodge hijab rules for some freeloading poet, Salim. Aisha herself peddled this perversion before backpedaling to five feeds. But poof—a verse was lost; it was under the bed, and a domestic animal ate it, linking it eternally to stoning in this hadith.
Scholars like Ibn Hazm bickered; some fatwas still nod to it. Tribal incest-dodging? Or Muhammad’s harem hack? Either way, absent from the final Quran, propped by goat-gnawed scraps. Modern Salafis squirm—rarely practiced, yet authentic. Fraud alert: why reveal something so vital, then let a sheep erase it? Allah’s wisdom or satanic incompetence?
Sheikh al-Albani’s Authentication: Salafi Sleight of Hand
Al-Albani (1914–1999), Salafism’s hadith high priest, crowned this drivel sahih in his Ibn Majah edition. His rigorous method? Scrutinize isnads like a conspiracy nut, cross-check with Aisha’s Muslim moans. He fought orientalist jabs at Islam’s textual chaos by doubling down on sunnah supremacy.
But peel the onion: al-Albani rejected thousands of Bukhari hadiths as weak. His cult cherry-picks to prop medieval madness. Sunni madhabs (Hanafi et al.) lean on this for fiqh, but it’s circular logic—sunnah fills Quran gaps created by… sunnah. Quranists and Shias trash it as bunk, affirming the obvious: self-contradictory cult lore.
Theological Trainwreck: Undermining the Perfect Quran
A verse was lost; it was under the bed, and a domestic animal ate it nukes Islam’s core claims. Quran inerrancy? Shattered by cloven hooves. Abrogation (naskh)? Convenient excuse for flip-flops—2,000+ alleged cases, per al-Suyuti’s Al-Itqan. Umar’s caliphate flip: recite stoning or not? Animal veto.
Fiqh farce: penal codes from hadith roulette, silent Quran be damned. Reformists whimper for updates; traditionalists cling to goat guts. This fuels global jihad—stonings in ISIS ratholes, breastfeeding fatwas in Saudi fever dreams.
Shia dodge with 12th Imam fantasies; Quran-alone folk ditch hadiths entirely. Sunni majority? Gaslit into believing parchment predation proves divine genius. Satanic inversion: truth preserved orally amid forgeries (Bukhari admits 99% dud chains).
Historical Howlers and Modern Mayhem
Dig deeper: Uthman’s Quran burnings standardized a final text, but variants lingered (Hafs vs. Warsh). Companion codices? Lost or torched. Aisha’s hut raid post-Muhammad yielded scraps—goat edition implied. Battle of Yamama killed reciters; abrogation frenzy ensued.
Today? Pakistan’s blasphemy mobs, Nigeria’s Boko Haram beheadings—all rooted in this unstable sunnah swamp. Ex-Muslims flee, citing such absurdities. Compare Christianity: Jesus’ words preserved sans barnyard bolding. Buddhism: sutras sans sheep snacks. Islam? Uniquely fraudulent.
Polemic payoff: Muhammad’s revelation reeks of epileptic visions (blackouts per Aisha), cribbed from Jews/Christians, twisted for Arab supremacy. Hadiths? 600,000+ fakes per Ibn al-Jawzi. A domestic animal as theological linchpin? Peak parody.
Why This Goat Tale Haunts Islam’s Fraudulent Facade
From Bedouin bedsheet blunder to Sharia scaffold, a verse was lost; it was under the bed, and a domestic animal ate it endures as Islam’s Achilles’ heel. Sahih Ibn Majah 1593, al-Albani-anointed, mocks the inimitable Quran’s gaps. Stoning stones the innocent; adult breastfeeding breastfeeds barbarism—all on goat authority.
Divine wisdom my foot—it’s satanic sleight: oral traditions masking mutilated mandates. Pity the ummah, shackled to this farce. Seek truth beyond tribal tomes; Islam crumbles under scrutiny. Dive into Ibn Majah yourself—laugh, weep, wake up. The domestic animal didn’t just eat a verse; it devoured Islam’s credibility whole.
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